I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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