Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
