I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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