why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
