I think I am morally bankrupt
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
