He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
