Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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