I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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