Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
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My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize