dude i'm inner monologue high
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
