I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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