i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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