stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
