how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sober January is a disaster.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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