Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
