its not stalking. its research.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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