Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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