I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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