Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo