I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst