Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
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Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.