i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
