Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
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My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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