She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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