Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
