he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I need a burrito and a hug.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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