And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
