he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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