I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
