Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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