how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
