We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
