Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
