i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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