She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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