TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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