Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
