Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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