she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
