Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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