drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
