i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME