everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A+ Viking dick
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
