You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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