Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.