how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.