The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement