Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think I sprained my soul last night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.