You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
