And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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