What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
