...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We had to coat check the pizza.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
