I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
