I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
