All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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