It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
