and she was petting her beer can
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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