everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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