and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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