If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
