textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
