Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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