I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
