I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
