I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
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He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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