I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
