I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
