i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
