He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
