The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
