Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
