walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
