u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
