I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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