Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
