i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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