We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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