Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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