fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
