i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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