i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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