We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
